So I bought my first chest binder.

I went with the black tank binder from gc2b. Size medium in the full-tank binder, at their recommendation, though I might be between a medium and a small. They said they’d exchange it for free if it didn’t fit. I realistically looked at my goth-ass wardrobe and went with black. I can always get another later if it doesn’t work.

It’s weird, I kinda felt sad as I ordered it, though I super want one. It’s like, it’s really real, I’m really trans, I truly have to do this shit. Freaked me out a bit. Then again, I don’t think transgender people binding should be portrayed in a tragic light. When I put the thing on, I suddenly felt amazing — but then I wondered if that made me super fucked-up. I don’t need to be trained into any more of that self-gaslighting.

First thoughts:

  1. The thing looks decently well made. No popping seams or anything. I’d heard better reviews of the black in that respect, so that influenced my choice.
  2. Damn, binders are fucking tight! I emitted a squeak getting it on, I think. I went with the medium due to broad shoulders, despite having a 32 inch chest, and I’m so glad I did. They say don’t round down on sizing, and that’s a fact.
  3. Boobs gone. Oh my god, boobs gone. I don’t look like a cis dude, there’s a bit of bulk there that isn’t shaped just like a cis/post-op guy’s chest. But I am most definitely flat for the first time since 12. And yes, it feels and looks right to me.
  4. If you have a history of asthma or panic attacks, the tightness might be a bit triggering at first. I’m doing my best to include some positive reinforcement and treats while getting used to this thing, basically trying to train myself to see it as a good feeling and not a scary one.
  5. I can’t wait to put on a more boyish shirt and go out in it. Imagine–WANTING to leave the house! Money well spent.

Just take a moment to appreciate my cat’s face.